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Dreaming of you

I spent the entire night dreaming about this man, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. In spite of my wishful thinking, the following morning arrived. It was time to wake up, leave the land of dreams and get to the real world. I got into the shower reviewing in my mind what I wanted to say in my email. I didn’t want to seem desperate, but I wanted him to know I was interested and that he is my number one. As soon as I got dressed I opened my computer and started writing: “Mr. Wonderful, I’m glad to hear back from you. I had an outstanding weekend! No hot date though… I went out with friends to enjoy Mardi Gras at Universal. Blondie was playing. I’m more of a Jack Johnson’s music fan, but it was great to see an icon perform. What about you? What interesting places have you discovered in Orlando? I would love to get together sometime; still I would prefer to know a little bit more about you. I hope you understand...” I thought it was good, I showed interest, I gave him more information about me and I put some limits.

Dust yourself off

Mr. Wonderful’s rejection chagrined me deeply. The next morning I ignored my computer and decided to focus on my exercises. I needed to exercise outdoors, so I could expand my mind. I couldn’t figure out how this person, who I don’t know, was capable of providing happiness and pain in a period shorter than 48 hours. That afternoon I went to Disney Animal Kingdom. I needed to see people and the animals. I was still so affected that I ended up taking a French Park Map. I was sad because I messed up something that could have been extraordinary. What I felt when I received his email the first time I had not felt with anybody in years. I walked around the park. I looked at the roller coasters and asked myself, when will be the day that I don’t have to ride a rollercoaster as a party of one? I looked at the families with the stroller and wonder if that would be me someday. I wanted to have the entire package. Still, I could only see a bleak future.

I stood at the end of the long line for the Finding Nemo Show and decided to check my phone while I waited. I thought it would be the perfect time to clean my inbox. I scrolled down and there it was… Mr. Wonderful's new email. I couldn’t believe my eyes… I looked at the time, it said 10:30 a.m. He emailed me that morning! I looked at the people in line and I wanted to tell them that HE emailed me back!!! I couldn’t stop smiling; I could feel the beat of my heart on my chest. I opened the email. It read, “How was your weekend? Any hot date…? Thank you very much for your email, you sound like a sweet heart. I just moved to Orlando few weeks ago and I like it down here very much. How is the dating scene? How about we get together over a drink and talk”? I couldn’t believe it… he was not scared of me, the stalker who viewed his profile a thousand times in one day. I needed to talk to someone, so I called my aunt. She would understand my feelings. She got excited too, she had seen some of the prospects that had contacted me in the past and she was scared. I think she was starting to doubt the idea of online dating. I also called my dad, he was one of the people pushing for me to enroll in an online dating site. I wanted him to see that there was hope in the horizon.

That night I was glad to see that I was not blocked. I had access to his profile! Immediately I copied the entire content and pasted it on a word document. I wanted to have access to the information, but I didn’t want him to know how many times I entered. I didn’t want to deny myself access to this amazing information, but I didn’t want him to do the same thing he did to me before. That night I kept looking at his picture… I really liked his sweet eyes. I wondered how he looked in real life. Is he as sweet as he appears to be? How is he like? Could I meet him? Am I that brave? I couldn’t reply to his email that night, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to meet him just yet.

The Stalker

Saturday, February 20. Nothing… no new emails from Mr. Wonderful. I went on with my activities. I was able to completely forget about it. That night I went out with friends. It was still early when I got back home. Before going to bed I went to see if I had received an email. I thought that he may have read the email, and he hadn’t had the time to write back. All that sounded great in my head until I tried to look at his profile one more time and I was denied access. WHAT?! DENIED? Who does he think he is? Why would he block me? Then I remember that I look at his profile like a thousand times… and he knew it… somehow. OMG! He thinks I’m a crazy stalker. I was so embarrassed and upset. I was rejected. I figured out how to block someone from accessing my profile and I blocked Mr. Wonderful. How does it feel now? Hum! I abruptly closed my computer as it was the computer's fault I was blocked. I put it aside and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I was not only upset with Mr. Wonderful for blocking me, but also upset with myself for being so silly. Why did I have to access his profile so many times? Couldn’t I remember the information in it? I drank my water and walked back to my room. I wondered why didn’t he have the courtesy of writing an email and just say no thank you. At that moment I wanted to send a note to the entire online community asking to be considerate. Even the site has automatic polite rejection emails that can be sent to the people you are not interested in. Then I remembered that people will not always behave the way you expect them to. I only had control on what I do. I looked at the computer with a dilemma in my mind, should I or shouldn’t I? I SHOULD! I went back on the site and removed the block on Mr. Wonderful. I was not going to do to him what he did to me. I didn’t want him to experience what I just did. It didn’t matter that I thought he was never going to access my profile again. He blocked me, he was not interested. With a disappointed heart I closed my computer and went to bed.

Emailing Mr. Wonderful

Friday, February 19; I woke up early and the first thing I did was to grab my computer from the side table and opened the site. I just needed to read his profile once more before getting out of bed. There it was… I could see words like attitude, laughing, family, traveling, and Paris jumping out of the computer screen. I felt like Russell Crowe in the movie Beautiful Mind, where his character’s ideas popped out of his head and were drown in plain air. I quickly closed my computer when I heard the dogs barking from the other room, it was time to take them out. While I stood outside in freezing temperature waiting for the dogs to complete their businesses, I got lost in my thoughts… Am I going to be brave enough to reply to his email? What would I say? The dogs had finished their businesses and they were smelling the cold air. I don’t know what is in the cold air that always captures my dogs’ attention. I pulled their leashes, our code for getting back inside. My heart was beating fast, I felt like a 13 year old girl again thinking of her first crush. I couldn’t work more efficiently in my kitchen. I wanted to brew my coffee as quickly as possible, so I could go back to my computer.

I was back in my room, seated in bed with my legs crossed, computer on my lap and coffee in my hand. I was ready to read this profile again. I started to feel like a stalker, I may have read his profile a few more times before deciding to write back. I stared at my computer for several minutes; I did not know what to write. I read his email once more, “Hello how are you? I have to admit you sure look adorable and your profile is cute. How is the single life treating you, any luck meeting Mr. wonderful yet?” Then I decided to start by answer his questions; that’s safe. So, how is single life treating me? Well, my first instinct was to say that single life was treating me horribly, I hadn’t had a date in ages and I was tired of being alone. Nevertheless, I opted for the high road and said that single life was treating me well; that I was lucky to have family and friends close to home and I visited my parents and other family in the Caribbean as often as I could. This statement was true and less desperate. I couldn’t ignore his question about Mr. Wonderful, so I concluded with a contrastive sentence connector followed by “it would be great to also share moments with "Mr. Wonderful" if he's around...” I needed a polite beginning, so I started by thanking him for reading my profile and I told him he had a fascinating one. This was good, I was being polite and complimentary. By then I was typing like a maniac. Commenting on almost everything he had in his profile. When I saw that I had several paragraphs, I decided to pull back and only comment on two things. I told him that he described the perfect picnic menu, baguette, wine and cheese; and on the last book he read from the author David Sedaris (a favorite of mine). I mentioned one of my favorite Sedaris’ stories. At this point I was satisfied with what I had written. I just added a last sentence and hit “Send.” It was gone, there was nothing I could do but wait. I continued with my daily activities without being able to forget about the email exchange. That night I checked my inbox several times and nothing… no emails. I had no option but to go to bed without knowing what Mr. Wonderful thought about my email. Tomorrow will be another day.

Mr. Wonderful

The date was Thursday, February 18; four days after Valentine’s Day. I opened my email and there it was… a subjectless email. It stood there waiting for my curiosity to give in; it said in bold letters “Mr.Wonderful@talkmatch.com.” OK, I changed the name to a nickname for privacy reasons. I looked in the preview window and noticed the flag that said “clik here to download picture.” I looked down and I was able to read the short note: “Hello, how are you..? I have to admit you sure look adorable and your profile is cute. How is the single life treating you, any luck meeting Mr. wonderful yet?” My heart stopped. I had to see his picture. I was saying to myself, please God let him be cute… Right after the picture downloaded, my heart went from a complete halt to a violent beating. I was infatuated with his eyes and his smile. Then, I felt heat rushing through my veins from my head towards my heart. Is this what it feels to have Cupid’s Arrow hit you in the heart? I opened the profile to see this guy’s personality. As I read, I couldn’t stop smiling… he was amusing and intriguing. I was so excited that I couldn’t respond to his email. I had to wait.

Match.com

Following a divorce and a couple of other failed relationships, one learns what is acceptable and what is not in one’s life. For this reason it was very difficult to stop running my MHL (Must Have List) in my mind every time I met someone. Therefore, I decided to look for tools to help me. My father kept telling me that online dating is the best way to find someone with the criteria I wanted. I wasn’t really convinced, but I decided to open an account in Match.com. It felt awkward filling out the questions, and the lists, and writing about me and what I’m looking for on a partner. I created a simple and short profile. I just wanted to take the first step of enrolling. It took me a couple of days before I could officially enrolled and submitted may payment. I gave myself three months to try it. It already was mid December, so I had until Mid March to test it.

I Surrendered Myself

After several years of singleness, I decided it was enough. I kept waiting for Mr. Right to arrive at my door, but he never did. Now I know why… First, I kept looking at men with a "must have" list in my mind. And of course, those that did not fit the criteria were automatically dismissed. No exceptions. What was I thinking? Why was I taking this so seriously? Second, why was I waiting for him to arrive at my door? Why couldn’t I go out and look for him? He was out there, somewhere… and I knew I would find him when the time was right. In the meantime, I realized that I needed to enjoy my friends and family. I had so many good things to celebrate and many people to celebrate with. I was (and still am) incredibly lucky!