Dreaming of you

I spent the entire night dreaming about this man, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. In spite of my wishful thinking, the following morning arrived. It was time to wake up, leave the land of dreams and get to the real world. I got into the shower reviewing in my mind what I wanted to say in my email. I didn’t want to seem desperate, but I wanted him to know I was interested and that he is my number one. As soon as I got dressed I opened my computer and started writing: “Mr. Wonderful, I’m glad to hear back from you. I had an outstanding weekend! No hot date though… I went out with friends to enjoy Mardi Gras at Universal. Blondie was playing. I’m more of a Jack Johnson’s music fan, but it was great to see an icon perform. What about you? What interesting places have you discovered in Orlando? I would love to get together sometime; still I would prefer to know a little bit more about you. I hope you understand...” I thought it was good, I showed interest, I gave him more information about me and I put some limits.

Dust yourself off

Mr. Wonderful’s rejection chagrined me deeply. The next morning I ignored my computer and decided to focus on my exercises. I needed to exercise outdoors, so I could expand my mind. I couldn’t figure out how this person, who I don’t know, was capable of providing happiness and pain in a period shorter than 48 hours. That afternoon I went to Disney Animal Kingdom. I needed to see people and the animals. I was still so affected that I ended up taking a French Park Map. I was sad because I messed up something that could have been extraordinary. What I felt when I received his email the first time I had not felt with anybody in years. I walked around the park. I looked at the roller coasters and asked myself, when will be the day that I don’t have to ride a rollercoaster as a party of one? I looked at the families with the stroller and wonder if that would be me someday. I wanted to have the entire package. Still, I could only see a bleak future.

I stood at the end of the long line for the Finding Nemo Show and decided to check my phone while I waited. I thought it would be the perfect time to clean my inbox. I scrolled down and there it was… Mr. Wonderful's new email. I couldn’t believe my eyes… I looked at the time, it said 10:30 a.m. He emailed me that morning! I looked at the people in line and I wanted to tell them that HE emailed me back!!! I couldn’t stop smiling; I could feel the beat of my heart on my chest. I opened the email. It read, “How was your weekend? Any hot date…? Thank you very much for your email, you sound like a sweet heart. I just moved to Orlando few weeks ago and I like it down here very much. How is the dating scene? How about we get together over a drink and talk”? I couldn’t believe it… he was not scared of me, the stalker who viewed his profile a thousand times in one day. I needed to talk to someone, so I called my aunt. She would understand my feelings. She got excited too, she had seen some of the prospects that had contacted me in the past and she was scared. I think she was starting to doubt the idea of online dating. I also called my dad, he was one of the people pushing for me to enroll in an online dating site. I wanted him to see that there was hope in the horizon.

That night I was glad to see that I was not blocked. I had access to his profile! Immediately I copied the entire content and pasted it on a word document. I wanted to have access to the information, but I didn’t want him to know how many times I entered. I didn’t want to deny myself access to this amazing information, but I didn’t want him to do the same thing he did to me before. That night I kept looking at his picture… I really liked his sweet eyes. I wondered how he looked in real life. Is he as sweet as he appears to be? How is he like? Could I meet him? Am I that brave? I couldn’t reply to his email that night, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to meet him just yet.

The Stalker

Saturday, February 20. Nothing… no new emails from Mr. Wonderful. I went on with my activities. I was able to completely forget about it. That night I went out with friends. It was still early when I got back home. Before going to bed I went to see if I had received an email. I thought that he may have read the email, and he hadn’t had the time to write back. All that sounded great in my head until I tried to look at his profile one more time and I was denied access. WHAT?! DENIED? Who does he think he is? Why would he block me? Then I remember that I look at his profile like a thousand times… and he knew it… somehow. OMG! He thinks I’m a crazy stalker. I was so embarrassed and upset. I was rejected. I figured out how to block someone from accessing my profile and I blocked Mr. Wonderful. How does it feel now? Hum! I abruptly closed my computer as it was the computer's fault I was blocked. I put it aside and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I was not only upset with Mr. Wonderful for blocking me, but also upset with myself for being so silly. Why did I have to access his profile so many times? Couldn’t I remember the information in it? I drank my water and walked back to my room. I wondered why didn’t he have the courtesy of writing an email and just say no thank you. At that moment I wanted to send a note to the entire online community asking to be considerate. Even the site has automatic polite rejection emails that can be sent to the people you are not interested in. Then I remembered that people will not always behave the way you expect them to. I only had control on what I do. I looked at the computer with a dilemma in my mind, should I or shouldn’t I? I SHOULD! I went back on the site and removed the block on Mr. Wonderful. I was not going to do to him what he did to me. I didn’t want him to experience what I just did. It didn’t matter that I thought he was never going to access my profile again. He blocked me, he was not interested. With a disappointed heart I closed my computer and went to bed.